Monday, January 21, 2008

Why are you wasting your time reading this?

OK, so I am going to start a will become wildly popular and soon I will be on CNBC, Oprah, The Kennedy Center awards (and then TMZ on my way down). Since it will happen quite soon, I will need to start upgrading my friends – so this maybe the last communication you every receive from me...(and if I see you walking down the street and I don’t speak when I walk isn’t because I didn’t see’s because I AM better than you).

Now that we have level set why I am doing this blog (more on that below), we now need to determine why you are wasting your time reading this thing. In the end that is a question that you are going to have to answer yourself, however let me help you with a few potential reasons:

  1. You don't have a significant other and as such have more free time than Brittney Spear's college tutor.
  2. You have a significant other and your only solace from what you now realize is a lifelong mistake is to steal away into the back office and turn on the computer and live the life you really want - all behind the anonymity of an avatar.
  3. You have a serious problem with "Interweb addiction" I believe you, you can stop at anytime.
  4. You can't type well and somehow Google spit back this as your top search result for "afhaycajd ajdigha"
  5. You don't have a life and reading about the musings of a 40 something never will be/has been seem exciting to you. (If this is you, I am sorry that your emails to Dr. Kevorkian have gone unanswered, but I am glad that you are still here.)
  6. You don't know how you got here....yeah, and I am also sure that you really thought that MikesApartment was a site that listed available flats in Brooklyn.
Whatever you reasons for being here, in my mind the real question is why am I writing this (focus people, this is really all about me). Think about it, this blog will be posted into cyberspace and probably will be read by an audience of one (the author). NOTE: I am giving fair warning to each of you that comes over to my house - the price for being able to leave is reading at least one of my's free to get in, but there is alot of cost to leave (kinda like crack, huh).

I have to think that most blogs are driven by two main things: frustration and narcissism. Frustration at things one sees and their inability to do anything about it - venting to the world makes people feel that they are doing something (which is always better than nothing, right?). Similarly, only a truly narcissistic person would believe that their thoughts about everyday life (why do they staple a tag to my clothes in the dry cleaners?, why is their air?) are worthy of publication and discussion.

Well, true to form - I am a frustrated narcissist. (those of you who have actually seen me in person know why)...I am neither beautiful or intelligent enough to come off as indifferent as I do.

So, look forward to such illuminations as:
  • "Why I am a loser, but still better off than you"
  • Why I read above a 40 y.o. grade level"
  • Sunglasses are not meant for the indoors or days with no sun"
  • "Organized Chaos and the management of fractals"
  • The Inevitable Uncertainty of Economic Rationalization"
(OK, I pulled those last two off of Wikipedia, but for a second you know you were this way over my head)

Seriously, while most of the fare here will be the irreverent and irrelevant ramblings of a frustrated narcissist we will also dive into the reason their are "Cries in the wilderness".

P.S. - Since I won’t receive any ad revenue from my blog for awhile I think that it is important for you to hold me over until I am making millions via advertising, book deals and paid speaking appearances. Take responsibility for what you need to would be appreciated if you would each send me 10,000 Euros (I don’t deal in dollars any more, they are soooo 2006).

To the one of you who is reading this...(oh, nevermind)


Walter said...

pretty freekin good for a first post. When do we get to learn more wisdom from the master?

David B. Dancy said...

I'm with Walt...